Mandatory Evacuation

At exactly 8:10 this morning the Hospital doors swung open and there I stood. Ready, confident, even excited at the prospect for sharing the next 15 days with Fox and friends. I stood there looking forward to a hospital stay that less than 24 hours ago I was lying in bed dreading. "What an inspiring turn of events." I said to myself (out loud) as I observed the anxious faces crowding the waiting room. Clear the way, Elvis is in the building. First stop, vital signs. The nurses hurriedly collected my paperwork, ushered me into an exam room and began the poking, squeezing, prodding and drawing that comprises any complete physical. About an hour and a half later, once all my pertinent medical statistics had been recorded, I was encouraged to rest in the room on which my initials marked the door. This would be my room for the duration of the study and where they should be dropping of my lunch off any minute. I walked straight over to the bed and laid down, the exams had taken a bit out of me but I knew that resting wasn't on my (secret) agenda just yet. I glanced up at the flat screen, then over at the nightstand spotting the remote, I took a deep breath as I grabbed the controller and steadied myself for the mission. I clicked the power button and as if receiving  a wink and nod directly from fate...the channel was already tuned to Fox News. There, looking squarely  back at me was Megan Kelly prattling on about Obama's poll number and Republicans taking the house. Let me say that I am no stranger to Fox News nor are my Hollywood ears so delicate as to not appreciate a sound bit of criticism in reference to my politics. So Megan Kelly while often annoying, is not hard on the eyes and is nowhere near as hard on the ears as some of the primetime programming Fox has in store for me. From Megan Kelly right through to Shepard Smith I was cruising, piece of cake. Speaking of cake, I had also cruised right through my lunch and could see the nurse headed over for my next blood pressure reading. As I exposed my right arm, I turned off the sound on the television with my left in order to receive the nurses instructions. "Okay Mr. Davies, Blah blah blah, blah blah blah..." As the air began to drain from the blood pressure cuff, so too did the blood appear to drain from the face of my nurse. "Uhhh wow, well uhhh, your blood pressure has spiked considerably Mr. Davies. Your first reading this morning was 135 over 74 and now you are at 145 over 76. I'll have to get the doctor." Oh shit, really? You gotta be kidding. (I said with my inside voice) as the nurse exited the room. Now I'm starting to rethink the wisdom of conducting my own controlled psych experiment on the hospital's dime. The doctor enters with a look of serious concern on his face. He informed me that before I could be dosed with the heart medicine for which I had entered the study, I had to exhibit consistent ECG and blood pressure levels. He was discharging me for 3 days of bed rest in hopes that upon my return my blood pressure would have stabilized and only then could I begin dosing for the study. WOW, had Fox News just knocked me out in the first round? How could this be? If I can't handle Megan Kelly and Shepard Smith without loosing my shit, I'm in real trouble...not to mention I'm about to cost myself some much needed medication and compensation. Right then and there I found my resolve. Regardless of this set back, I shall stay true to the mission. I will return on Friday the 10th to the hospital for readmission and I will survive. Round 1 to Fox News, well played my faux news friends, I have clearly misunderestimated you....but never again. See you Friday, and this time I'll be bringing my "A" game.