The Quiet Before The Storm

I have consumed the last meal of my choosing and sipped my last goblet of the devil's nectar. For the next 15 days I will be turning my body over to science. The doctors have a meticulous regiment designed for me. No alcohol, no sex, no medication or drugs of any kind and no outside food. 2500 calories a day, minimal exercise and round the clock heart monitoring. While they observe my physical reaction to an experimental drug, I will be left alone to fend for my mental well being. I must admit my first thought upon agreeing to participate in this clinical trial was "Great! 15 days of getting paid, facebook and porn. Awww the good life." Not considering for a moment that there may be one sacrifice required that the doctors had not noted, a luxury that I had taken for granted all too often, an addiction so a part of my daily life that I assumed no one in there right mind would ever consider denying me...access to a free press. Yes, you read that right...access to a free press! I came across this shattering bit of news while casually thumbing though the 120 page agreement I had signed and conditions I agreed to. Right there on page 92, right behind the meals I would consume every day were the channels that would be made available on the flat screen in my hospital room. HBO check, AMC check, ESPN check, CSPAN errrrr, MSNBC errrrr, CNN errrrr, FOX NEWS noooooooooooooooooooooo! Yes, Fox "News" is the only news channel listed. How am I supposed to have any idea what is going on in the real world? What if some history shaping event takes place, my only up to the minute reporting will be provided by the cartoon network of cable news. The anxiety of this possibility alone  is enough to send my heart monitor spiking into the stratosphere. I had some serious last minute reassessing to do. Was the risk really worth the reward? What good is a strong heart if it is pumping blood into an atrophied brain? Is this how seemingly well adjusted thoughtful people become propaganda spewing intellectual turnips without rhyme or reason overnight? Am I in the new Tuskegee Experiment??? Well, I'll be damned if I'm going out like that. If I'm going, I'm going with my eyes open, my hands on the wheel and my foot on the gas. Not only am I going to engage in this "clinical trial"...I'm going to take control of it. In the immortal words of George Walker Bush "Bring it on!" Do what you will with my body, doctors. I will be conducting my own experiment in the science of mind. I am going to turn the channel on my flat screen to your beloved Fox News, not just for updates or breaking news (Fox Alerts). I am going to turn it there and leave it there for 24 hours a day, 7 days week, for 2 weeks and a day. I will live, eat, breath and shit Fox News. No newspapers, no internet blogs, no talk radio, no cheating. My only outlet for thoughts, feelings and political analysis well be this blog. It is a one way street from me to you while I'm inside. I will not be reading your comments until I emerge.  Fox News will be my sole connection to the outside world. They report, I confide.  Starting September 7 at 8:30am pst. I am officially In The Fox Hole.